FARAGE WANTS THE PEOPLE VS THE ESTABLISHMENT. THE PEOPLE HAVE SENT A BIN.

TYPE A PAGE NUMBER ON YOUR REMOTE CONTROL (KEYBOARD). NO REMOTE? POINT AT THE SCREEN AND BELIEVE.

NIGEL FARAGE HAS RESIGNED AS MP FOR CLACTON TO FORCE A BY-ELECTION. LABOUR, THE CONSERVATIVES, THE LIB DEMS AND THE GREENS HAVE ALL DECLINED TO STAND.

THAT LEAVES ONE CANDIDATE OF SUBSTANCE. THE SUBSTANCE IS RECYCLING.

COUNT BINFACE (5,900), OF SIGMA IX, SAID:

"NIGEL FARAGE SAYS HE WANTS THE PEOPLE VERSUS THE ESTABLISHMENT. SO BE IT. LEAVE HIM TO ME."

DEFENCE SECRETARY DAN JARVIS: "LOOKS LIKE COUNT BINFACE WILL BE STEPPING FORWARD, AND GOOD LUCK TO HIM."

THE COUNT IS THE ONLY MAJOR CANDIDATE STANDING. WELL — HOVERING.

POLLING DAY: TBC. THE BIN IS READY. THE BIN HAS BEEN READY FOR 5,900 YEARS.

LINKS OPEN IN AN EARTH BROWSER. BINFAX ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE 21ST CENTURY.

MANIFESTO IN FULL: PAGE 102. POSTERS: PAGE 300.

1. BRING BACK CEEFAX. STATUS: DELIVERED. YOU ARE CURRENTLY ENJOYING THIS POLICY.
2. BUILD AT LEAST ONE AFFORDABLE HOUSE. TARGETS SHOULD BE ACHIEVABLE.
3. CAP THE PRICE OF A FLAKE 99 AT 99P. THE CLUE IS IN THE NAME.
4. NATIONALISE ADELE. SOME NATIONAL TREASURES ARE TOO IMPORTANT TO BE LEFT TO THE MARKET.
5. RENAME LONDON BRIDGE "PHOEBE WALLER-BRIDGE". IT SIMPLY MAKES SENSE.
6. MOVE THE HAND DRYER IN THE GENTS AT THE CROWN & TREATY, UXBRIDGE, TO A MORE SENSIBLE POSITION. ONGOING SINCE 2019. THIS IS WHY WE NEED CHANGE.
7. ANYONE USING A SPEAKERPHONE ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT MUST WATCH "CATS" (2019) ONCE A DAY FOR A YEAR.

EVERY POLICY 100% RECYCLABLE. NO BIN LEFT BEHIND.

ALL PLEDGES AS REPORTED BY EARTH MEDIA — SEE PAGE 199. LOCAL ADDENDA MAY MATERIALISE.

THE COUNT HAS FACED BORIS JOHNSON, THERESA MAY AND RISHI SUNAK. ALL THREE HAVE SINCE LEFT OFFICE. DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS.

FOR OFFICIAL DISPATCHES FROM THE COUNT HIMSELF: COUNTBINFACE.COM

FULL ELECTION RECORD: PAGE 105.

RECORD: PLAYED 6. WON 0. MORAL VICTORIES: 6.

SWING REQUIRED IN CLACTON: LARGE. SWING TO BIN: INEVITABLE.

FIGURES PER WIKIPEDIA, RETRIEVED 09 JUL 2026. SEE PAGE 199.

POLLEN COUNT: BINFACE.

• * WIKIPEDIA: "COUNT BINFACE" — CHARACTER HISTORY, ELECTION RESULTS. RETRIEVED 09 JUL 2026.
• * THE TAB, 08 JUL 2026 — CLACTON BY-ELECTION, CANDIDATE FIELD, POLICY LIST, QUOTES.
• * ITV NEWS, 08 JUL 2026 — "WHO IS THE MAN BEHIND THE BIN?"
• * COUNTBINFACE.COM — SLOGANS, CAMPAIGN PRIORITIES, ELECTORAL RECORD.

UNOFFICIAL FAN-MADE SATIRE SITE. NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE COUNT BINFACE CAMPAIGN, THE BBC, CEEFAX, OR THE PLANET SIGMA IX TOURIST BOARD. NO BINS WERE HARMED.

WEATHER (P106) AND ALL FORECASTS ARE JOKES. OBVIOUSLY. EXCEPT THE BIT ABOUT WESTMINSTER.

HOW TO HELP THE CAUSE IN 4 EASY STEPS:

1. PICK A POSTER BELOW.  2. PRESS THE BIG PRINT BUTTON.  3. PUT IT IN YOUR WINDOW.  4. WAIT FOR THE LANDSLIDE.

A4 PORTRAIT. BEST IN COLOUR. STILL DEVASTATING IN BLACK AND WHITE. BLU-TACK NOT INCLUDED.

IF YOUR POSTER PRINTS AS A WHITE VOID, TICK "BACKGROUND GRAPHICS" IN THE PRINT MENU. THE VOID IS A REFORM CONSPIRACY.

THE CANDIDATE DOES NOT KNOCK ON DOORS. HE MATERIALISES.

THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN A 1980S TELEVISION COMPUTER? PROVE IT.

THE RULES:

1. A4. PDF, PNG OR JPG.
2. MUST BE FUNNY. THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE.
3. NO LIBEL. SATIRE YES, FIBS NO.
4. IF IT GOES IN A WINDOW, IT NEEDS A REAL IMPRINT. BORING BUT TRUE.
5. BEST ENTRIES GET THEIR OWN PAGE NUMBER ON BINFAX. IMMORTALITY, BASICALLY.

TRANSMISSIONS GO DIRECTLY TO HQ. NO EMAIL ADDRESS IS BROADCAST, SO SPAMBOTS CAN DO ONE. CLOSING DATE: WHEN THE BIN IS FULL.

IT MAY BE RETURNED IN THE NEXT CYCLE. RECYCLING: IT'S WHAT WE DO.

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